What else is left to talk about my Christmas’ evolution throughout the years since I don’t spend that special moment technically with whom I am supposed to? Even though these recurring memories are trying to make me smile, somehow, there is still that awkwardness I feel for wanting something to make at least this year’s entirely festive and complete. And the worse thing to consider is, I know exactly what it is.
When I was as young as seven, yes, I was also overwhelmed with the presents, that every Christmas morning when I woke up was filled with excitement and surprise every time I see that there is something to unwrap even though it’s not exactly what I wanted and my aunt would just tell me that Santa found it expensive and he just couldn’t afford. With that supposed seven-year-old innocence, I was raised to be mature emotionally, more mature than how I should act my age, since no one was there to neutralize that accelerating emotional maturity. That makes me consider Christmas more than just gifts under the Christmas tree, more than unlimited food and fireworks, more than chocolates and new clothes, but spending it with your family, as completely and festively as possible.
I remember myself thinking of the bonding moments with my mom and then cry the whole Christmas night just to make me feel sad of her absence. And I find it gross as I ponder upon it now.
Almost eleven Christmases she’s not been with us. Almost eleven possible memorable days we could celebrate with her. And almost eleven possible genuine hugs and kisses I could receive from her. Despite the solitariness I feel every time I think about these possible events, I still don’t consider them losses. Why? Because I make sure that every time she comes home at summer time, that thirty days every two years are well-cherished, and not to wait until those eleven missed Christmases come and express my love to her.
To those who have their parents with them, you have to feel blessed since not everyone is lucky enough to spend his Christmas with his mom and dad. Try your best to express your love to them this season now that you are still able to, for there will come a day that you won’t be.